Humor: The Ten Commandments on How to Keep A Guy

     Recently I found an old English project I had done back in high school several years ago. My English teacher, inspired by Shakespearean literature, had assigned her students to create a list of "ten commandments" on any subject. It was an end of the school year writing assignment. We could have chosen to team up with a classmate, or to do the writing project solo. Since the partner I was teamed up with wanted to create a simplistic list on "kissing a boy," I was too bitter at heart from a then-current breakup to create such a list and decided to work solo. Inspired by my utter bitterness towards guys at that moment in time, I created my ten commandments that would surely help a girl keep her man-- or so I thought! I posted this on my former MySpace blog and it received numerous comments and praise from the ladies for several weeks! Friends forwarded it to friends, their friends forwarded it to other friends-- it was the talk of the town! After turning in the assignment to my English teacher, she was in such awe after reading it, and had been so humored by my "ten commandments" that she enthusiastically told me she wanted to keep a copy of my list as a reference to show her future students in the upcoming school years. I definitely agreed to letting her have a copy, I was just amazed at the incredible results my crazy list had brought forth! Little did I know that my bizarre anger-inspired list would become so popular. Be forewarned: My list is quite sexist, and is not at all representative of my true thoughts on the male sex-- If it were the case I would not be currently enjoying a happy five-year relationship with a handsome French man! (I am not endorsing sexism, but am posting this for the purpose of humor only). Below is my "famous" list-- note that this is meant to be read with humor and is not to be taken literally! Enjoy.

 

 

The Ten Commandments on How to Keep A Guy 

I. Thou shalt not inflate his already large ego with excessive compliments, for his already small brain will surely burst. Thou do not want to be with someone totally brainless, now do thou?

II. Thou shalt not assure him that thou belong to him. Doing so will soon cause dispassionate nonchalance on his part.

 

III. Thou shalt listen to what he says about thee, but not believe.
Did thou forget about all the other girls he'd been with before thou?
Do thou think his limited mind is capable of verbal creativity (and sincerity)?
Or, creativity of any kind even?
No.

IV. Thou shalt not spend countless hours on petty telephone conversations.
Doing so will cause thou to be at an unneeded, pathetic level of attachment.
We have enough Siamese twins in the world, tragically so, did thou not already know?!

V. Thou shalt keep a little mystery.


VI. Thou shalt develop a genuine interest, taste, and knowledge of the things thy significant other likes doing, if possible.


VII. Thou shalt resist the temptation to demonstrate too much affection.
The idea is to keep him doubtful. Repeat after me: doubt-ful.
No duh, dimwit!

 

VIII. Thou shalt keep him insecure, more times than not. Solid ground is way dangerous.
Be creative. 

IX. Thou shalt value thyself above all things and, accept the fact that on one unexpected day thou will no longer be a so-called "item."
Let it sink in deeply.

 

X. Thou shalt be as cunning as a fox, and as gentle (-looking) as a pristine lamb.
The Golden Rule: "Do unto them as they would do unto thee; just much wiser, like only a woman can."

 

 

-2006 Demzy G.

If you could add anything to this list, what would it be?
Please leave your comments below.